So... I am fortunate enough to have had a varied and rich career... Lots of jobs in a short space of time.... Now I would like to think that is because I am red hot at what I do... But it may just reflect the fact that I get bored easily... And according to my dad, I have to keep moving on in case they ever catch up with me... 😄😄😄.
Actually... Maybe if I was a kid nowadays I would be diagnosed with ADHD. Remember the last blog issue about me and my fear of being a hypochondriac??? Lol.
Anyway, having so many jobs has certainly given me rich pickings for observations, story telling and jokes... Which just for a laugh, thought I would share here...
(Short reminder that some of these have happened to me, some to others, and some to 'friends of friends' (evil laugh lol))
- Learning to 'talk proper'...
So... My first job ever.... Actually was as a switchboard operator at local geriatric hospital. Weekend working, 12 years old... Paid £1.25 per hour.
With hindsight I may not actually have been legal to work there, but it was amazing training ground in public service and practising my elocution ... I made it an art form to say "good morning, <name and full address of establishment>, <my full name> speaking, how may I direct your call...?"
However after a couple of weeks, this got shortened to "good morning, <name of establishment> how may I direct your call...?"
It did have some great perks though... I got free use of the swimming pool... Sole use at times!!! (Made up for the fact that I used to have to walk up the long scary driveway in the dark 😉....)
And as for dealing with some of the staff... Well, if I stop and start with the sentence... 'They were all nuns....' I will allow you each to think of where those words would / could have taken me.
(For further background context, I was raised a Catholic, grew up trying to decide between being a nun or an actress, and my favourite film is the Sound of Music... Draw your own conclusions! 😄😄😄)
- Big mouth gets me into trouble...
After the heady heights of being a telephonist, I upgraded my pay by 100% by changing to being a newspaper delivery girl. It was a breeze... Until it got cold, dark, wet... And I picked up a couple of known bullies on my tail... 😥.
So I did what any 13 year old smart mouth did... I shouted rude things at them and ran away.... And told my big sister about the horrible bully twins... And my big sister then came to my rescue in the most amazing way possible.... (Heads literally being banged together rings a bell!) And then she tore me to shreds for being so stupid.... Lol 😄😄.
I gave up soon after that as I discovered that newspaper delivery was really not my thing... Especially when I was also delivering a gazillion free newspapers, there were scary biting dogs... And the ultimate straw was the morning delivery round... I mean... What self respecting tweenager ever got out of bed in the morning voluntarily?!?!?!
(Even to this day I am really NOT a morning person for goodness sake!!)
- Turning vegetarian...
My next job was actually a Saturday job in a butchers. That was actually ok... Although the feeling of rubbery tripe through the plastic bags was just gross!!
But the smell of raw meat did eventually get to me... And onto my clothes, hair, etc etc... Little by little I didn't actually realise I was eating less meat... Until driving down to Kielder one weekend and I saw all the lovely Spring lambs and then fellow passengers pointed out I killed innocent lambs like that...
(I actually had to point out I didn't actually work in an abattoir!!)
However working in the butchers did give some memorable experiences... Like the time we popped the eye out from a pig... Put it into the dip in the apprentice's hat... And he spent all morning wondering why customers were giving him strange looks... Well, at least he did until he had to stretch into the bottom of the cabinet and the eye rolled out... 😉
And then there was the time that it was a hot summers day, the meat was greasy... And the master butcher basically slit across his main artery in his wrist... !!
Aside from trying to hold a burly man's arm above his head and trying to call the ambulance, that's where we discovered an ambulance from the city centre comes out faster than a doctor from the surgery across the road...
It was also where I discovered that the owner of THAT particular chain of butchers docked my wages for accompanying the butcher in the ambulance to A&E.... "Because i had failed to remain working therefore not eligible to pay..."
What an ass. Needless to say, I quit soon after!!
- The seedy side of silver service...
So my next job in life whilst still at school was being a waitress... At multiple places!
(See... Multi tasking at the age of 15!!)
The sights, sounds and smells of being a waitress certainly made my eyes water - as well as the almost slave labour of what was actually expected of the waiting staff.
First off - waitressing in local hotel... Not only having to put up with the sleazy patrons who clearly thought that I was a piece of meat fresh for groping, the fact that waitressing also meant being expected to prepare starters, side dishes, desserts AND do all the dishwashing on the side.... Let's just say it was a far cry from my initial visions of being Yvette from 'Allo 'Allo!
(My poor hands literally made me look like a scrubber from the 15th century!!)
Honestly - even though I had a frilly white apron and all the free juice I could possibly want... There are some things in life that are just not worth it.... Especially when I saw what the chefs did.... 😷😂
Let's just say I wasn't aware of environmental health, and I developed a healthy cynicism for 'healthy home cooked fayre'.... 😣😣😣
My second waitressing job DID teach me about silver service... But think I actually learned more from watching 'Pretty Woman'.... Although to be fair I never had to serve snails ("slippery little suckers"). Think I may have turned a little green If I had had to 😜!!
Although I am actually a dab hand at knowing how to set up for a 9 course meal with matching wine.... Even if I do say so myself lol.
And btw... Side plates with rolls ALWAYS go on the left... Regardless if you prefer the look of the seeded plaited one on your right people!!
Anyway... After all this training around food... Is it any wonder I am a feeder when it comes to entertaining nowadays??? I just don't do fish.... (See previous blog about missing a wedding and ex-husband never even noticed lol!!)
So... Enough of job history just now... Am sure there is only so much excitement people can take... Lol.
Although I will finish this segment by telling a story of a group of ladies who went out for night out and decided to make up new jobs for themselves in case they got talking to random strangers.... It broke down into kissogram, a bikini waxer, a nun and a headmistress.
Will leave that pleasant thought in all your heads... One of them was actually me... 😉
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