Ok... So I write this, thinking I must be the biggest hypochondriac in the world....
Aches, pains, real or imagined... But it's funny how things play out in life 😄😄
As a child, I cannot claim to have been perfect (I hear you all snigger at that one already...)
But I mean, who didn't pull a sickie to get off school? I can't even claim I was that inventive... Sore throats, a headache, a fevered brow... Or if I was feeling particularly dramatic, then sometimes a sprained ankle or knee that made me a cripple....
(That ruse always seemed to fail however when I forgot what side I was supposed to be limping on!!!)
My parents of course were wise to all these tricks... The only saving grace was that I was a know-it all that never fell behind at school....
In those days, the thrill of being wrapped up in a quilt watching illicit daytime tv, with juice and snacks being brought to me, seemed like bliss lol.
It actually was not until I actually really did get sick, that I realised that being sick meant sick bowls, shivering, dashes to the toilet and disliking sound / light / company.... And it is truly pants!!!
(Having had proper bout of flu last year made that memory even more real!!
However, generally it has made me quite reticent about going to the doctor.
During high school and uni days I was struck down with glandular fever, then something called Tietze syndrome and then ultimately through early twenties I ended up being hospitalised for 4 operations and then another 3 times for severe dehydration / abdominal issues!!
The doctors mantra... "You should have gone to see your doctor earlier.....!!
(Oh.. Btw... Funny story... Tietze syndrome is NOT the same as Tourette's syndrome... Despite the f***ing similarities in the words!!)
It was funny though.. Growing up, my parents ended up taking us to Sick Kids on a regular basis... And the amount of bandages, neck collars (oops, they were all mine!) and various child friendly medicines was truly astounding. I distinctly remember banana flavoured gloop which was just disgusting!
Anyhow... Given the drama queen I am / was, one of the worst times was when I was sitting in English in 6th Year at school... There was only 4 of us in the class... Teacher left the room, we started laughing at a joke... And my neck literally had ripping sound down the right hand side.... Instant tears.
What followed was a classic overreaction to a pupil injury...
Headteacher called school nurse, who phoned PE Teacher (?!?), who phoned an ambulance....
Unfortunately the paramedics were trying to remove me from 3rd floor classroom on a back board, with no working lift... At class changeover time....
So best I can remember is being taken down the main staircase and then being blue-lighted to hospital.
Unbeknownst to me, the school had phoned my mum, who had to phone my dad as he had the car... As they rushed into the hospital to see me, I know I looked worse than I should... I was on drip and oxygen and had neck brace on!
As it turns out, it would appear that I just turned my head too quickly and I had torn neck muscles... All from laughing in English!!
Drama didn't even stop there though... By time we got home, my brother had told my auntie I had broken my neck and may have died....
So... A cautionary tale! So much so, that 5 years later, my boyfriend at the time had been driving both of us, and we were in a bit of a one-sided accident. I ended up driving home 400 miles with undiagnosed whiplash and then being sent to hospital by my work the following day.... Where it turned out I had 2 cracked vertebrae.... (The irony of me actually working for the NHS at the time was not lost on me btw).
On a side note, should have realised that that relationship never going to last when we were in another accident with him driving - literally 2 days after i got my previous neck collar off... With hindsight I wonder if he was after my life insurance???
But looking back at my childhood, I can only be described as a klutz:
... Going to play parks and falling off chutes...sprained ankles.
... Going down a fireman pole slide that i forgot to slide down and just 'let go'... Head injury and concussion.
... Swinging on a chain rope across driveway a foot off the ground... Lump on head.
... Somersaults off wardrobe onto bed... Chip out of head that remains to this day...
(As opposed to having a chip on my shoulder... Lol)
... Running through parks barefoot... Bee stings on foot. (At least they have decency to die after they sting you!!)
Anyway... My attitude to trying to get medical help changed when I saw the size of my medical file at age 20 compared to that of a geriatric .... With hindsight I realise it was probably her 100th file... But I decided that I didn't need medical intervention... Ever lol.
However... Given my own medical / drama experience, I possibly do not make the most sympathetic of nurses to those around me if I think they are faking it....
When I used to be scout leader, I would take everyone else's maladies very seriously... I mean... They were not my kids!
And actually I was quite good at playing nurse to many sick and injured... (Nothing dubious or double entendre meant by THAT statement.)
Anyway.... Now I am a great believe in sleep cures most things, there are painkillers if you are desperate... And alcohol to cleanse any instruments.
For me, laughter is best medicine for all circumstances...
So when the kids have a skint knee or sore head... I just jump straight to offering amputation... As I put on my Quasimodo walk and nervous twitch eye....
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